Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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