so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
