Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
