I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
