i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
