this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
