Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
