Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
