4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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