i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
