Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
