God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
