I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
