let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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