Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
