After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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