peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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