I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
