I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
