She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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