dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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