I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
