i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
