I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
