i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
