Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
