Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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