To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
