ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
