mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
