I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
What a dumb baby whore.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
