There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
