the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
