Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
