I'm lost and stupid without you.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
