...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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