you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
