The maid of honor just puked.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Let's get the cat blown out
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
