i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
