the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
