If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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