Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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