New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
