This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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