She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
