If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
