in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
