i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
