So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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