but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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