Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
All the doctor said was why
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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