Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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