two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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