At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
