Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
